AIMEE

Posted by Slarti

Wednesday, March 23 2:47 p.m.

Aimee winced. The knife bit deeper than usual, but she swooned in satisfaction as she felt the damp stickiness on her leg. It was stuffy and semi-dark in the confined space, but no one would think to look for her here. The endorphins surged through her body creating a sensation like no other. Her vision sharpened and she opened her diary for the next entry. Idly she began to read back through previous entries:

“Hello Diary: I have been cutting myself for a couple weeks now. I need to write about it. I hate it how cutters are looked down on. It’s like we’re the worst thing ever to hit the face of the earth. Stress is to hard to handle right now, and it’s like when I cut I see that someone cares. Life is like a movie and everything is passing me by, when I cut I know that I’m still alive and that this is real. I get so embarrased when people ask me about it! It’s none of there freakin’ business! Well school has been so stressing, I’m like failing all of my classes. I feel like a screw up. I’m going.

Hello again, Diary: I had to cut, it’s addicting. I’m obsessed I need it, it’s like my pill. I need it so bad to keep alive. I hurt so bad, school is horrible I feel like a reject, no one understands me. My family is like dirt poor, and don’t care about me. God I can’t live like that, like I’m not breathing anymore. I have to cut, I’m sorry I can’t stop it’s to hard eighty-two gashes and every time I do it I feel a little better

Its me again, Diary: Oh my gosh, school actually went semi-okay! Besides some people giving me weird looks I actually understood it! It was great! This deserves a celebration tonight I sneak out for a party! Yeah! Wish me luck!

My head hurts, Diary: Oh my gosh, I got trashed at that party and I don’t know what happened! I don’t know how I got home, what happened? I’ve been asking some people I know from the party but they are calling me a slut! I can’t handle this, this is so much crap! Screw them, screw school, I’m not even going to be alive by then! It doesn’t matter I HATE MY LIFE!

Sorry it’s been so long, Diary: I’ve been in and out of the hospital. That night, it was all a blur, I couldn’t take it anymore and it was like no one understood me. I feel like no one cares. It’s like I’m everyone’s little broken toy and I couldn’t take it any longer. I still can’t take it but I’m getting better, little by little. I just need someone I can tell stuff to without them telling my parents. I’m going to go write.

Diary: Crap I cut! I thought I could make it but I can’t! I can’t handle it, why does it even matter. It’s my way of healing the emotional scars! SO WHAT IF I HAVE PHYSICAL SCARS! To my parents I’m just one screw up after another, they asked me what happened to me! LIFE! LIFE HAPPENED TO ME!

Its me again, Diary: Yesterday I was really moody, I just don’t understand why it’s such a big deal. I mean they expect for me to just drop the razor and forget about cutting THEY ARE WRONG! They have taken away almost everything in the house I can use to cut. Cutting is like my friend that understands, I want to talk to them more and more because they make me feel good. Well schools been okay, I’m still failing but it doesn’t matter.

Dear Diary Dude: Hm what should I say? Today was okay. Everyone left me alone, it was lonely. It was a lonely day! I guess it’s better then the stares, yeah well that’s basically it. My stomach hurts though.

Aimee put her pen on the blood flecked paper and began to write:

Diary, I really don’t know what to do…